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What is the First Thing We Wish Others Would Do To Us?

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Individualize. Understand our uniqueness so that they treat us according to how God has made us, not how they wish he had made us.

This is why those who say “The Golden Rule is off-based — when I treat others how I prefer to be treated, they don’t like it.”

The problem with that statement is that it misses the crucial step. Each of us want to be treated individually and understood accurately. Do that for others first, then do unto them as you would have done unto you if those things were true of you.

One of the Best Lewis Quotes Ever

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CS Lewis:

Who can endure a doctrine which would allow only dentists to say whether our teeth were aching, only cobblers to say whether our shoes hurt us, and only governments to tell us whether we were being well governed?

Not even sure how to categorize that, but it has a thousand ramifications. Great insight.

In Order to Truly Encourage Someone, You Also Have to Pay Attention and Listen

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CJ Mahaney, from his book Humility: True Greatness:

Paul teaches us that encouragement is the effect of appropriate words — “as fits the occasion” (Eph 4:29) — appropriate to the person I’m seeking to serve.

To effectively encourage or edify a person I must know something about that individual, which comes through studying the person, asking questions, and carefully listening.

That’s what we’ll do if we’re trying to truly serve others with our words and not simply impress them. From what we learn about others, we’re able to answer this question: What do they need now? Is it counsel? Exhortation? Warning? Comfort? Forgiveness? All of the above?

And here’s a helpful expansion on what that looks like:

In 1 Thessalonians 5:14, Paul urges us, “Admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.”

So we have to walk carefully here. Are they weak? Because it would be unwise for us to admonish the weak, and just as unwise to help those who are idle.

So what is their present circumstance? Are they experiencing a test of adversity or a test of prosperity? What season of life are they in? No matter what their situation, there’s something we can say to bring them encouragement.

How to Increase the Emotional Intelligence of Your Email Messages

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A good article on the emotional intelligence of email at the 99% by Scott McDowell. Here’s the first part:

Earlier this year I attended a presentation with Daniel Goleman, author of Social Intelligence and godfather of the field of Emotional Intelligence. According to Goleman, there’s a negativity bias to email – at the neural level.

In other words, if an email’s content is neutral, we assume the tone is negative.  In face-to-face conversation, the subject matter and its emotional content is enhanced by tone of voice, facial expressions, and nonverbal cues.  Not so with digital communication.

Technology creates a vacuum that we humans fill with negative emotions by default, and digital emotions can escalate quickly (see: flame wars). The barrage of email can certainly fan the flames. In an effort to be productive and succinct, our communication may be perceived as clipped, sarcastic, or rude. Imagine the repercussions for creative collaboration.

He goes on to give six tips for making sure your email messages communicate the right tone.

Asking Questions is the Key to Understanding

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From John Piper, in his latest book Think: The Life of the Mind and the Love of God:

One of the best honors I received during my six years of teaching college Bible classes was a T-shirt. My teaching assistant made it. On the back it said, “Asking questions is the key to understanding.”

When I speak of becoming intentional about thinking harder, that’s mainly what I mean: asking questions and working hard with our minds to answer them. Therefore, learning to think fruitfully about biblical texts means forming the habit of asking questions.

The kinds of questions you can ask of a text are almost endless:

  • Why did he use that word?
  • Why did he put it here and not there?
  • How does he use that word in other places?
  • How is that word different from this other one he could have used?
  • How does the combination of these words affect the meaning of that word?
  • Why does that statement follow this one?
  • Why did he connect these statements with the word because or the word therefore or the word although or the words in order that? Is that logical?
  • How does it fit with what another author in the Bible says?
  • How does it fit with my experience?

For more on what Piper means by asking questions of the text, you can also see his article “Brothers, Let Us Query the Text.”