Paul commands us to be “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). One thing this means — among many others — is that we should be deferential to others (see also James 3:17; Titus 3:2).
To be sure, we shouldn’t sacrifice matters of core principle, or central doctrines, or ethics of the faith. But when it comes to the arena of Christian freedom, we should have a willingness to defer.
Nonetheless, there is still a need here for wisdom to guide us, because sometimes deferring to others is not the best thing — and it’s not selfish to stay the course.
I made the mistake of “wrong deferring” the other day when I was playing baseball in the street with my kids and some of their friends. They are new to baseball and just coming to understand it. A bit into the game, one of them said “let’s not play in teams, but just individually.”
I thought, “OK, doesn’t sound good, but I guess we’ll give that a try.” And, it went horrible. It wasn’t like a game of home run derby, but was confusing. So about an inning later, I said “let’s go back to the other way,” and I explained some basics of the game that are easy to take for granted. Then it went better.
I think it’s important not to have a “the leader always knows best” mentality. That’s why I went ahead with the suggestion that we change the structure of the game around a bit, even though I had a reservation. But, at the same time, sometimes the leader really does know best. So how do you avoid deferring in those cases, without being a squelcher?
In those cases, you need to ask: “Does this person actually know what they are talking about?”
It’s a simple question. If their suggestion comes from actually knowing a bit about the area, even if it sounds a bit outlandish, go ahead and give it a try if the consequences don’t risk sinking the ship.
But if their idea simply comes from not understanding the area, then be gracious, and don’t defer.
But don’t merely stay on track, either (which often equals discounting the suggestion). Rather, stay on track and do some teaching.
That’s critical, because the point of leadership is not just to go places, but to build people up in the process.
Suggestions are often a time for the leader to learn something. Many leaders need to do a better of job of knowing when it’s time to learn.
And then other times, suggestions and ideas are an indication that the person making the suggestion just might be clueless. In those cases, don’t discount them. But don’t defer, either. Take the time to teach.