Be the Kind of Person Who Says “You Can’t Make Things Tough Enough for Me to Complain”

It is so tempting to complain. There were a whole mix of things today that made my wife and I just want to throw up our arms in frustration.

But our motto (borrowed from our former pastor in Iowa) is “you can’t make it tough enough for us to complain.” Actually, she is better at that than I am — much better. I am still learning and making progress.

Everybody encounters things like this all the time. The best solution is to have the attitude “I will not complain, no matter how frustrating things get.”

And then there is a second component, which is just as important: Be a person who always strives to be part of the solution to other people’s problems.

When someone comes to you for assistance, and you don’t know the answer, it’s tempting to just pass them off. Try not to do that. Life is tough enough.

Fight the frustration of life by working on behalf of others, even when it doesn’t come easy (or it may not be “your” job). Try to figure out something you can do, even if it’s not obvious at first.

And in the times when you truly can’t take the time, or truly are incapable of doing anything, at least express that “I really wish I knew of a way to find the answer here, and I really hope you can get this figured out.”

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December 17, 2008 | Filed Under Managing Yourself | 12 Comments 
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12 Responses to “Be the Kind of Person Who Says “You Can’t Make Things Tough Enough for Me to Complain””

  1. Married to a Baller · Something I Have Been Thinking About on December 17th, 2008 10:42 pm

    [...] post resonated deep in me when I read it this morning.  This is the kind of person I want to be!  I [...]

  2. Caleb on December 18th, 2008 12:16 am

    Do you believe that it’s always sinful to complain? Are there ever any good reasons to complain? Is complaint ever an indication that you need to change something about your circumstances or what you’re doing?

  3. Chris on December 18th, 2008 5:36 am

    That motto is for me–thanks for the challenge!
    Can you share the name of the person you are quoting so I may give proper credit when referring to the quote?

  4. Chris on December 18th, 2008 5:38 am

    My thoughts on the question of whether it’s always sinful to complain: To me complaining has a connotation of having a bad attitude, lack of gratitude, critical spirit, etc., which is what makes it different from noticing that something isn’t right and addressing it.

  5. Rick on December 18th, 2008 6:02 am

    Can it go another step in the direction of forgiveness? One of my mantras, one I don’t stick to enough probably, is that “you can’t make me not forgive you; you can’t control the way I perceive your existence”. In learning to forgive, I’m going to act different and not be stupid to get hurt again, but I’m also not going to judge you and assign you to hell for wronging me. Does that fit into this?

  6. Dave on December 18th, 2008 7:40 am

    Complaining makes an assumption that we “deserve” something and are not getting it. When we control our expectations, most everything that happens to us is “better than we deserve” to quote Dave Ramsey and CJ Mahaney. However, I think there is a time and place to express dissatisfaction with the results of something if we honestly believe that a change can be made to improve the situation for the better. It must be wrapped in grace though.

  7. Matt on December 18th, 2008 9:36 am

    Chris: Sure. It’s from Kent Wagner, pastor at Johnston E-Free (www.jefc.org).

  8. Matt on December 18th, 2008 9:40 am

    Good thoughts on complaining vs. changing. I think that complaining is primarily about attitude. I really believe that there are things we should take strong action on to change. But even then, we aren’t to complain.

    Small example (very small): The windshield washer fluid wasn’t working on my way to work today. That bugged me. But, my thought was: “I’m not going to complain about this to myself.” But I am still going to get this figured out and fixed.

  9. Mikey Lynch on December 18th, 2008 3:12 pm

    Thanks for the post, Matt. Great food for thought.

  10. Caleb on December 18th, 2008 3:51 pm

    Thanks Matt for that small example. It’s actually quite helpful!

  11. Jay on December 19th, 2008 10:23 am

    Be nice to the people who say, “You Can’t Make Things Tough Enough for Me to Complain,” but be intolerant of those who complain. That’s right. Love those who are easy to love, not the cranks, complainers, and misfits. They’ll never change. The bible clearly says that the spirit of complaining is demonic and that complainers will probably go to hell. And we all know how King Solomon and the prophets were paragons of positive thinking.

  12. Department of complaints « Rockstanding on December 19th, 2008 3:10 pm

    [...] A Word to the Wise, Good Counsel | Tags: complaining, God, What’s Best Next Matt Perman, over at What’s Best Next, nailed me today with a post about avoiding the temptation to complain. It’s an easy thing to [...]

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